A Tale of Guilt and Woe
June 2012. It was unseasonably miserable. Having successfully fought the battle of Neuro I was all ready for the next onslaught which manifested itself in the form of reproductive and endocrine medicine (us Bristolians have dubbed it EndoRepro which sounds more like an evil Mexican villain). I was making a trip to the library, which, at the time, was around a 30-minute walk away from my student house. This was to do some extra reading. I had my laptop in my bag along with my bags of Haribo for encouragement and when I’d stomached all I could take I began the walk back. It rained. It rained like I have never seen rain before. For 30 minutes, I walked in a torrential down pour and when I arrived at the local Sainsbury’s, they kicked me out because I was dripping that much I posed a health and safety risk on their tiled floor. It was a very miserable day.
When I had eventually gotten back into my room and put all my clothes to dry I stood there and thought – why. Why was I doing this to myself? It wasn’t even necessary and I’d put myself through a monsoon to go get some books and read ahead. The reason was because I’d have felt guilty if I hadn’t – I planned to do it, so I was doing it. Guilt is a very powerful thing and it’s something we all encounter as students on a regular basis. When I used to revise for my pre-clinical exams, if I stopped for an hour or two that meant I would have to extend my evening revision to cover the time. I should imagine everyone can relate to this (even those macho folk that profess to be invincible!). Stopping was not an option. In that rain-sodden day I learnt one thing – cut yourself some slack.
I never believed it when people used to say to me that “down time” was as important as work time. Down time was wasted time. Down time was a period when I missed that all-important sentence that answered MCQ Q22 on the upcoming exam. At the start of that unit I decided to take things differently. I always timetabled work, but this time I was only doing those timetabled slots if I thought it would be productive. If not, the time was better spent doing other things. If I started and felt like it was too much effort, I didn’t carry on in some marathon-like endurance exercise, I stopped. I refused to let the guilt set in. I turned my ears off to all of the talk in lectures about how much work everyone had or hadn’t done – I refused to let myself be intimidated.
So what was the result? I had much better sleep in that time. My head was a lot clearer and I found it about 100 times easier to get up for lectures in the morning. I spent a lot more time doing the things I enjoy which generally upped my motivation.
More to the point, I achieved the best set of results in two years in those exams.
I only wish I could go back to my fresher self and say:
“Cut yourself some slack. Don’t feel guilty. Do your own thing”.